Time and Anger Management

1. Male Pussy

I am in the corner of a room, against a wall, I isolate myself a bit. It is dark, with dark green tinge. Empty room, like a public bathroom or shower. Maybe someone stands behind me, but I ignore any presence in the room.

I look at the wall. And I masturbate myself, but I have female parts and not male, so I finger myself, and rather extensively. It is rather wet. (But it is not a wet dream).

2. Game of Thrones Keeps Running

Possibly at my parents' home. And maybe in the kitchen. Everyone is here. At some point I have a really heavy argument with my mother. I talk back and I stand up for myself. I show my anger, I feel my anger.

Maybe the same dream. In my room I had a movie running on the computer or on tv. This was season two of Game of Thrones. But I have no time to watch it, because of things I need to do for my mom and dad in the house, so I run back and forth all the time between my bedroom and the living room. And the tape or film keeps playing, I would like to stop or pause it, but I don't manage it, it just continues to play, and if I can do anything then it just starts again.

I have the same running on the tv in the living room. And it starts again and again. Every time I give it attention with the idea to stop it, it resets, which is also good. So after a while I just let it running keeping in mind that I will always be able to reset it and watch from the start. This I will do when I have time. But I am kept busy.

My brother N is certainly here. And Elbe is also here. Possibly I am playing video games with them.

Something with a costume that someone bought.

3. Outside

Outside, more or less country side, one side higher than the other. N is here. 

4. Oven Baked Ice

My father hands out ice cream. These are pastries filled with ice cream, possibly vanilla. I don't want to eat this, but I get it anyway, so I take a little. There is really a lot. It seems I am expected to eat it. The rest enjoys it, the rest of the family I suppose. The cakes are served in an oven dish, metal one, rectangular. And I'm thinking, how did they do this, ice cream in the oven. And I start to think logical thoughts, such as that they must have baked the pastries first. But really it can't because they are inside of the pastry.

+5. Anpi

I am sitting in the living room, my parents house. I see someone pass by, next to the veranda. She looks like Anpi. Red hair, but different than I remember, more rasta like. I am sure, whoever it is, that she has been looking for me, only that she did not find me. I consider going after her, but by the time I realize I can see her in my imagination running aside the house to the front already, so I'll be late in any case.

+6. Name

I see my name on a sheet of paper, but it is spelled wrong. With nk instead of ng.

Theater

1. Naked Girl on the Street

Outside, some way off a building but across the street. On the pavement I suppose. A girl with a green sheen lies there, naked. I approach her. There are two other people there, they touch her. This is quite sensual. I join them. I rub her body, her pussy.

2. Cauldron of the Dagda

I'm going to the theater with Licu. The place is off the centre and on an elevation. You have to go up stairs first. The room is dark. We enter and are first. The floor slopes, as is normal in a theater.

A certain moment I am alone.

Next we are outside. We have to join the others. It will be a play for guys only. Maybe I knew this in advance, but Licu does not and she might be a little angry about it. Or she is just innocent.

Outside it is light and we come to a terrace, in front is a podium, but very small, maybe it is not even there. The main thing is in the middle. There is a big square kettle or cauldron in the middle which is fastened on something that moves. So the cauldron can rotate. It can spin. But for now the lines of the square nicely correspond to those of the building. We enter this thing. It is a very strange thing. For one, it is way too big to be a cauldron. And secondly, it is square, like a cube.

In this cauldron all the guys sit and wait for this one girl. Maybe my brothers are here too. I look around and I see other girls sitting in the audience. That is a relief.

In the break we have to hoover. Each his part. Everyone has to help. The scene has changed too. Now we are inside. This is left of the terrace. The first room was in front of it, or behind it.

This place is light too. I feel sleepy. There is only a few people. My niece R is here. There is a bed. We stay here, stay the night. But we have to prepare and clean. There's all kinds of stuff lying about, not just dust, but toys. Like plastic green stalks of a plant.

Bale thinks I'm not going to clean or help. I'm not ready yet, but she will have to be patient. In my own time, I do help. My brothers are here. They are in a different part of the room. I am in one part of the room, behind a screen, this is where most of the dirt is, but this is also where the bed is. This is R's bed. Sometimes it is really hard to clean.

3. Initiation Symbol

I dreamed about my glasses.

Maybe the same dream. I dreamed of Aramaic. 

I remember reading a sheet of paper that was puzzling to De which I figured had four kabbalistic trees of life on it. But it was difficult to see, because they overlap. This studying is still in the theater building.

On the same piece of paper or elsewhere, but at the same time, I see the symbol of SOL, Servants of the Light, their master symbol with which they initiate. It is made up of different symbols. The main symbol is a square, and then a lot of variations. This square is fastened on top of a long pole or line. And at the low end of the pole is fastened something else and this represents past karma. It is broad, but not square, it is circular at the end. I understand this graph completely. The blade or spade looked rather rusty.

4. New Bedroom

In my dream I saw or was reminded of my bedroom in Winksele, which I mused was the best place I ever slept, but the place I am now is not that bad, it looks quite a lot like that one. It is not the same room as I have in reality, but the new dream bedroom looked good. It was out of the city, quiet at night, peaceful.

Student Party

1. A Young Girl Driving

It is dark. Night. I'm in the city. This must be Leuven, I recognize the surroundings. I walk down a street which is on a hill. I leave a place, maybe my brother's, N, or other family. The streets are deserted, naturally, because it is late.

This is the area of the Pittel, Noormannenstraat, etc. Now I am in a more crowded place, though nobody is around, but you can feel by the atmosphere that people live here. This is a part of the Brusselsestraat. It is the paved part, the pedestrian area, but different than in reality. This is on a slope too, and I am still descending.

I pass by a house where something happened. Somewhat further the street is much broader and connects to other streets to that it seems to be a small square. It has an intimate feel to it. The scene reminds me of The Hague, where my grandmother used to live. 

The door of the house is open. The threshold is quite high. I see light coming from the house, white, strong light green, like that of TL lamps. It is obvious that the medical supports have arrived. Maybe I see their car too. So, ambulance people and maybe even firemen are in the house, I can hear them. They are very busy, but it is too late, I see all this from a distance in the dark. The mom and dad are dead. The daughter walks outside and takes off, she feels safer leaving the place and leaving the people behind too.

Their car is parked just across the street or square and I watch her get inside. It is a cabriolet. She is still young, not even eight. I notice she holds a cigarette between her fingers, very nonchalantly so that I think she has done it before. She sits herself behind the wheel and I am thinking: she can't be serious, is a young girl like that going to drive? I see another man a bit further off, he must be a neighbour, and I hope he will do something, but he doesn't. So, I hesitate and consider helping myself. The girl reminds me a bit of the one hundred year old girl, who has an age accelerating disease.

So, after a minute I decide to take control. I go to the car, which she has already turned in the meanwhile. And I take over the steering wheel.

Then we drive up one of the streets that slope up.

2.Why don't you Say Hello

It is night, dark, I'm a little out of town but I am still in a familiar neighbourhood. There is a particular place I have to go. It is up. The street is sloping up. Straight on there are houses on both sides, but where I am now there is much of nothing. On my left there are lots to build on, they lie waiting.

Even in the middle of the road is a pile of sand and dirt. The workmen must have done this. Possibly, they are working on the road itself. I will have to go over it.

I quicken my pace.

On my left I see someone I know. This is Chlo. I have no intention of saying hello. But she notices me and sees me go past. So she says: you don't have to say hello to someone you know? So I say hello. It is the mother of my ex. I can see her clearly, as if her face is lighted. Especially her hair I remember, which is exactly the same as in real life. 

I go on. I find it stupid that she wants to talk to me.

After a while I am about where I have to be. This neighbourhood is full of students. There are two or three groups partying, you can see them. They party inside, but are on the balcony or hang out on the streets. I pass one of the left. I go on until I have to turn the corner. I have to climb more here and I get into the backyard, actually a terrace and very small. And a stairway is there that leads up to the apartment where the party is. This is the second group, and they are Russian. Two girls and a guy talk to each other but I can't understand the language. There is a bit more light here.

I go up and inside and I get in the room where everybody else is partying. There's more light here. I don't know anybody, yet this is the right place.

I am welcome though, and no one thinks I am out of place. On a table I am served a glass of lemonade. It was there already, but I can have it. After that I drink another kind of lemonade, maybe Sprite or Fanta. Further on in the room is a door to the balcony.

There is a girl in the room with which I make acquaintance. I can't remember the rest.

3. Needle in the Desert

Maybe the same dream.

My brother N is there. He needs a particular book which I ought to give him. It is called Needle in the Desert, and it is written by het Geluidshuis, which means that it is for children and has a cd you can listen to. The cover is definitely yellow, although I don't think I see the book.

Taking the Test

1. Facing the Deer

We are five young people and participating in an experiment. We enter a building, which must be in a city, but may be located against a mountain wall. There are other people taking the exam, but we each go our way. It reminds me a little of Hungergames.

When we enter, room after room stretches beyond. It is one long building and you have to go through the whole and reach the end.

In the first room there is already action. It is a game, we play war. We jump and run and we take out our weapons, which is bow and arrow. We jump and stand on wooden boxes, like you would in a computer game. I carry a bow, which is small and very hard to draw. I try a few times if I can do it, but it has to do.

We clear room after room. I see a deer in one. We pass. I don't see the others seeing it, or even the other groups. They all walk past it. There's plants an all in the rooms.

At some point I see another deer, very big, bigger than a horse even, strong looking, but gentle. It startles me but I try to be very aware of it. Now the others see it too, and the other one with a bow wants to shoot it but I say to him, that is far too much meat for any of us to eat, even in a week. We can't do that. So, he doesn't shoot. I approach the majestic deer. It has a face like that of a human almost. Not deerlike in any case. I reach out with my hand to have him have a smell and the animal does not run away, and I try again, and then it starts to lick my hand, or nose it. Just very gently. But I have to go and continue, so the contact is only brief.

At the end of the row of rooms we enter one room, which is light, and looks like inside and is empty but for a table in the centre. I sink down, that means. I want to sleep, I lie myself down beneath the table. I want to do this, but it takes me some effort. In the meantime, I see tape recorders everywhere. And machines to put them in, with batteries and all. Everyone of the team has got one and I suppose we have to record our experiences. This is for the interview. Maybe an interview of application.

2. A Hill Path too Narrow for the Car

When we leave, we get in the car and drive away. Soon enough the street we have to follow ends into a field, there is a steep slope which is difficult, and the path becomes very small and unhardened, to for cars to drive on. I'm not driving, but a young guy is, with short blond hair. I don't know him. I don't think he will be able to do this. We drive through the fields, I don't think this was meant for us to do, but we have little choice now. Apparently, he does not know the way. Still we continue, the road changes a bit. I believe at the end we do get where we need to be.

This dream was part of a bigger dream.

3. Exams on the Playground

We are on the playground of a school, which is naturally enclosed. I am here with friends and we sit in a corner. There are lots of other folk about. Light.

We are preparing for the exams. We have got the papers with us. Stuff happens I can't remember. At some point we are called. You have to bring your papers. I forget two, maybe on purpose, I know they are still on the paves of stones of the playground. Someone else forgot the same, a girl I think, and she passed, so I'll be okay. I can do without those two sheets of paper.

Once inside the dream changes a bit. Big rooms. Light. We have to wait. We are all cramped into one big class room. At the other end I see Pake. Maybe Tivd is here too. The corridors of this place lead to another playground, which is bigger.

I have to go to the toilet. Is it raining? I see lots of water running some distance away across the stone paving of the playground. Dark.

Then, there is the actual examination. (Can't remember well, and can't read my notes). There is food. Place feels like it is in Holland. My brothers are here, mother and father too. Plants. Shrimp. Stall with food?

There is something with a helping hand. This is when a girl needs to stand up or something and she is not balanced, I push her, or put my hand up which she can use to lift herself. This is in a smaller room, against the windows looking out to the playground, light.

I keep silent throughout the discussion, this has a reason.

4. Chinese Restaurant Shop

After the exams we leave the complex. We follow the street, on our right is a place where we sit, maybe a pub. Across the street I see a Chinese restaurant, and I am a bit hungry, so I might go there, and I do, I leave the others behind and go for some food. Tivd is in the pub.

There is a Chinese man or woman tending to me. I look and see what they have, it is displayed like in a butcher's or something. And at first I want to go for the usual, whatever that is, but than I see big shrimp and also fresh salmon, heaps of it, and that looks really good. That is when the person behind the bar starts to make suggestions. There are also frog legs, but I'm not gonna take those. But I might just go for the scampi. The chef suggests to deep fry them, and of course I agree. This should be good.

Then another person enters the shop, he must be a regular. But this is about where the dream ends.

(This is also the point where I wake up, but I decide to sleep in and I do and get up only at 11am, but the dreams that come next are from that phase).

5. Ear Smear

I'm in my room. Big room, bedroom, but it is the only room I have. Square, though I only use one half. There is someone else with me, a guy, maybe someone I teach magic. Before he goes, I give him some of my ear smear because he might be able to use it. He accepts.

Then I lie on the bed to rest. Tv's. I see there is another ball of ear smear on the floor of some time ago, which has changed colour and hardened because it has been lying there for some time. It is the size of a big marble.

I still got ear smear on my hands, or I get it from my ear just then, and I put it in a bowl. You never know what you can use it for.

At another point in a dream I also masturbated but did not ejaculate, but a little drop of sperm natural came forth. I put it on my finger and tried it, put it in my mouth and swallowed it.

6. Chaos in the Library

We all go to the library, that is where we meet each other. Alternative people. Ka is there, who sits on my lap, hangs more likely. I stroke her hair, the others look up not expecting this from me, especially because De is also here. The library is a university library, it is dark and chaotic. I see lots of people talk and make noise. It is big and has two stories. The upper floor looks out over the main room, like a balcony.

After closing hours, we stand on the balcony and look down. Everyone is leaving. Just a moment ago, the whole room was still buzzing. I noticed many Japanese girls. Now it is empty, even the tables are gone, and all that is left are cardboard boxes, which would transform in tables.

We leave.

Bale is there and still has something to say. About her mineral excursion.

Outside it is dark and the streets are deserted because it is late already. We have to go home. The city has no flat surface, but is hilly. This is a big city, the streets are wide. We are now a small group. I am disappointed I did not meet a nice girl. There wasn't much choice either. We split up.

Three of us go up the hill towards the train station to get the tube. Someone else comes behind, but she has to go the other way. That is entirely the wrong direction for me, but that would have been the girl I would like to know better. She has smooth long blond hair and a nice face, young, nevertheless, she is Bale. I consider going after her, but it makes no sense, I would be farther from home in the end. This leaves me with a feeling of even more disappointment.

7. Rite of Purification

We are outside and lining up. It is light here, day. There is a bath, but you have to queue, it is a special place. It is on a hill, you have to take the shower first before you can enter the park or hilltop that is behind. We've come here to see that, so we have to take the bath. I am paired up with Bale. She is like she knows everything, like she knows what she's doing, or has been here before. It is also all her friends that have come with us. And I suppose they know what kind of place this is, whereas for me it is new.

The showers are in a light wooden shed, looks to be in a state of shambles. It is clearly built for exotic places, where it is always warm, places such as Indonesia I can imagine. There are two showers and an older man who guides the whole ritual.

We go in. I don't know what to do. I see buckets with a strange weed, green, which is meant to be used to cleanse yourself. It looks like seaweed, long thing stalks with segments. Maybe this is Japan.

Bale knows what to do, but the man tells me what to do, too. First he says to take off my watch, which I think is normal, but I fear I will not get it back. I give it to him. He puts it behind him, where it is dry. Behind him is another small area, it is deeper than where we are, square, well roofed, cemented, with gravel on the floor, grey. Very clean and empty. I don't know what he uses that room for. But he mostly stands there, so that he is lower than us.

Once the water flows I keep the bucket, which is on breastbone height, from falling, by leaning my body against it. This is rather uncomfortable. I am on the right. Bale is on the left. The man is on my right. I can't stand Bale's arrogance when she talks about how to take the shower.

Afterwards Bale leaves, I don't see the man anymore, he reminds me of a storyteller I know. Anyway, he obviously hasn't got my watch anymore, which was a very nice one, expensive, probably one I got from my father. So I enter the low crevice and look around there, but there is nothing there. I can see this room better know, and I notice there are different levels here too, at least three. It is all grey, gravel on the floor.

Maybe the same dream. Other people, Bale and me have gathered again, we're in the open. Bale wants to announce something. She wants to advertise for her excursion again. The others see it coming, they know her well, whereas I have no clue at all. She is organizing the thing, which is why she makes such a fuss about it. I am curious if this is right and I take the paper from her hands. The leaflet is much coloured, with orange and purple and what not, pink and white. Her names is among the people listed above who organise it indeed, but there's about seven of them, so her part is only a seventh, I don't know what that is worth. But she seems very proud of it. That is the end of the dream.

Getting there in Time

1. Parking the Car

Me and my brothers in the car. I am driving. D next to me. N behind. We drive through the city. We have to get D somewhere in time. I find the way quite easy. And I stop exactly at the right place, which is where the door or entrance of the building is where D has to go in. A small road leads up to it, or maybe it leads to the underground parking lot beneath. But I don't take it. I brake and stop in front of the door, and D gets out.

This is a workplace, an office. It is a strange day and time to be here, because it is Sunday. And either still early, or already late.

N comes sit in front. I have trouble keeping the car still. It keeps moving slightly and I have only a small control over it. But I plan to turn the car around, there is plenty of space. But this too causes me trouble, because I have no control over the car, and part of the car drives over the kerb when I turn. I take my turn too wide, and to sharp at the same time. And then I feel the car still going on so I brake very hard. I put my foot down, and it responds a little bit. It stops after some time and then it continues anyway.

2. Eating DVD's

Maybe still the same dream. We are at home, in the morning, my brothers and me, our mother is also here, but mainly in the kitchen, while we are in the veranda and the living room. We have to get a move on, because we have to be somewhere in time, again for our brother D's appointment. Again, I'll be driving.

The car is outside on the terrace. It is a bright morning, lots of light and colour. Everyone is in a good mood, except that I keep everyone waiting, and that pisses my brothers off.

At first I have to wait for the others, but when they are ready, I still need to eat, because by that time it is almost lunchtime and I have possibly not eaten yet. So I am in the living room and sit in the sofa closest to the veranda. We will go through the veranda to get to the car. And there is a dvd box with animation films for kids, maybe Disney. I start to unpack the dvd's. The cd's have to be put in, or the other way around, I can't remember. At any rate, I am thinking, this would be good if I had this done before we left, so I can take this with me fully prepared. I tear the plastic that is still around the separate dvd's and with each one I think, I would like to see that one. But it is food at the same time, or there is food at the same time. Of course, I am alone sitting here, because everyone else is in the car already.

When I was waiting it must have been 11am, now they're waiting it is already 11.30am. And I think, I better have lunch first. It is still a long way.

In the meanwhile, our mother reports to me that Pese is already waiting for us at the arranged place. He is a friend of D.

There is a lot more before and after, but I can't remember.
+ Somewhere in the dream, there was also the sister of So. She was standing at the door to the kitchen in the veranda. Her long blond shining hair caught my attention.
+ I am sure I had something with cocktail sauce when I ate what I ate.

3. Cat bites my Arm

Something about aunt M.

And later, when I go somewhere, maybe home, I am in a corridor like that of a hospital or apartment block. I find my way to the room I need to be in. The door is open, or there is no door. Before I can enter I pass a cat, grey striped, long. She looks like S, whose one of Bale's cats. I give her some attention, but the next thing I know is that she bites my arm and will not let go, more like a dog. So I lift my arm, but the cat does not let go. She holds on so that she is forced to get to her hind legs. Now she really seems long, or big. So, I'm stuck with her.

That is about where the dream ends.

Smoking Makes Me Bite your Arm

1. Finally through the Gate

We're on the train and soon enough arrive at the place of meeting. I am the first to get out, I am excited. There is much light, day, and lots of space. Further up is a park, a domain, which is private, this is where the conference or whatever will be held.

I go through the park and follow the main path up a little while. On the left is water, maybe the sea. On my right is a building, that is where all assemble. And in front of the building is a green. There are trees up ahead and people walk in the shade. There are lots of people and there is an atmosphere of anticipation and joy.

Those that came with me are lagging behind, but I don't care and just go on. I go forward. They are uncertain.

This is a place where I am bound to meet friends, people I've seen before. And I look left and right and search the faces of people. I see familiar faces but I keep going. I go towards the building. There is a stone terrace in front of the building.

Then I see Luvl, from the taiji, he has a bad knee at the moment. I had not expected him here. He is on a mission to hug every girl around, but he does not succeed. I am thinking, this is not such a bad idea. Luvl pretends as if he is single, but his wife Ve is there as well. She does not like what he is doing and says something about it. But apparently it is since he is alone that he wants all girls badly. I feel sympathy, because I feel the same.

Maybe the same dream. There are two girls right next to me. I want them both. They both look good. One of them has long red curly hair and I do go for it and kiss her. And I kiss her long. Quite long in fact. And I feel very excited, and afterwards I would have labelled this dream a wet dream, but for some reason it wasn't. Which is good.

2. Make Coffee and Bite the Arm

I'm in a very big hall where I feel a bit lost. This is a cafe of sorts. Might also be a library. Many tables, dark red atmosphere. I am here to wait. There is one particular table I belong to, but I have to get the coffee and end up serving people, being at the till.

There is more light at the till. I am stressed, because I don't know how the coffee machine works. I make the first coffee for someone who ordered, or asked me personally. It takes me a while to figure out how the machine works but I get it done.

Then, Anvd comes up to the counter and asks a coffee, and I get the cup and go to the machine, and I am completely lost. I don't know how to do it. I try this and that, but nothing works. I can't remember how I did it earlier. It takes me along time and I start to get nervous, but Anvd is not worried at all. As a matter of fact, she sees no difference with a professional. She actually walks away and sits down at her table, my table from before, and expects that I will come and bring her the coffee.

In the meanwhile a queue starts to form and I am still working out how to make this coffee. I'm really desperate now. At that point, someone else is there to help me, and I think, right, that is a relieve, she can help the other customers while I try this one a little more. But no, she comes and helps me, totally ignoring the customers. She is Bale. But she looks a bit different. Skinnier and her muscles are more tight, older.

In the meanwhile I tried a lot and I got something out of the machine, but it was not coffee. Actually, on top of the machine there are two small frying pans and in them I am cooking tomatoes for a sauce, and I put this in the cup, which is a large take away cup. Brown, light brown colour. I think, now I have at least the basis for the coffee, but some real coffee must be put on top of this to mask the whole thing, so Anvd would not notice. She will never.

Bale has trouble with the machine too although she pretends to be confident. It still takes too long. I feel behind me the customers waiting. I'm not very comfortable. Then I try something on the side, pull a handle, and out comes some sort of candy, green stuff, or something else, not at all what I wanted. Somewhat later I finally get some coffee out of the machine, but it is very thick, and not enough to cover the rest, so I'll be needing more, but I can't do it.

Meanwhile, Bale and I are talking. I know she started smoking again, and that is why her skin is becoming so leathery. The conversation turns this way because I see her pack of cigarettes lying on the work table. I can read the label, which is Bastos. I can see red, blue, white. I think smoking is bad for her, but she says I should not worry over it so much because she does not think it is that but. And that does it: I bite her arm. I can think of nothing else to do.

3. Wheels of Cheese

We arrive at a hostel, looks like an old people, all the local people are here and eating. They look as if we disturb them. It is late at night already, it is dark. We pass the counter, look for a place to sit, table. Maybe Bale is with me again, or Elbr.

While everyone else of the group is looking for a place to sit, I pass the table where the food is set and there is someone there to help. I am curious. I am indeed hungry. I see the man slice cheese. But they are big portions. He quarters a whole wheel of cheese and toasts that between a sandwich. I would like that. So I take a slice. I take a quarter too, but from a cheese that's been started already, so I end up with only a small piece. This is okay, because I don't want to be avaricious. Or eat too much cheese, since that is not good for the stomach. But the man cutting the cheese looks a bit irritated I am doing his job. So I let him. It is Gouda.

The people sitting behind us are all men and have drunk a little too much. They start to talk loud and want to fight us, but we keep our heads cool.